something different

assalamualaikum to all!!!!

sesungguhnya aq tau yang blog ni dah lama ku tinggalkan... aq sekarang ni dah jadi budak Asasi Pusat Sains Universiti Malaya(PASUM) secara officially nye dalam 7 months before... now dah masuk semester 2 dah pon... sekejap je masa berlalu. okay the point for this entry is to throw out my feelings...

on second week i entered pasum, i got know that he also succeed in getting in here too but not in pasum. it was another something else. so long cut short, i can be said almost coincidentally every week i am able to meet him. before this nothing ever happened to me. but since this second semester my heart felt like i want to see him almost everyday even though i know that it was very very impossible for me to do it. i don't know why but i did smile whenever i think about him and my heart almost flattered by that thought. as for today, i went down to cafe with my roommate to buy dinner and i was again, of course coincidentally met him in the hallway. of course i understand that these days were continuing raining so he stopped by our college before going to his. well suddenly, i felt like my heart is going to explode. i didn't look at his face, instead i turn my face sideways so that i will not see his face. even he is doing the same. then i became short breath. its like i had been holding my breath crazily. i don't know what is wrong with my heart these days. even now while writing this entry about him i am smiling.... is it love??? i had never felt this way before....

counfusing or confucius??? hmm...

HELLO MALAYSIA!!!! and also THE WORLD!!!! hakhak bunyik cam lawak je... gaya macam aq kt dunia lain pulak.... okay enough with the huhuhaha of the past life.phheww berhabuk blog weih!!! ahak don't care bout the dusty things just me and myself for  now... well the latest news are :

 i was selected to go for an interview(it's what i thought) from mara which turn into a psychometric test.... hakhak give a round of applause!!!! aq praktik macam nak gilak sekali test je BUT... don't play2. it was the hardest test that i had ever seat before which was the combination of entrepreneurship and something bout the computer, bout the self motivation and also some leadership.. i was sweating while doing the test even though i was in an air-cons room. they give you only one hour to answer 100 questions in both english n bahasa. so right now i was waiting for the result and praying that i pass the test to go to the next level which is an INTERVIEW!!!!
okay done with mara..

 sobsob... now it is the bad news bout my applications through UCAS. i finally manage to cancel all my applications in UCAS when i realised that my spm qualifications did not appears to be qualify with their system which it is actually qualify with the STPM or A-Level or whatever it is. i was so sad and also suddenly the feel of give up bout the UK urging inside me.
say no more bout UCAS or whatever it is....

 now it was bout my upu.... my first choice of University Malaya really give me a hope you know as the saying goes a light at the end of a tunnel??? owh my mind had rusted for a long time resulting from neglection for too long... i was called for an interview on 30th of April 2013. hopefully this will be a really good start for me goin into the horror screaming life of a university student. i pray to god to make everything easy for me on that day... really... i need this to energise myself again.hekhek hopefully it will be the lost smooth interview of my life ever..... for now... hekhek wish me luck then....
okay that's all with my upu....

now is about my matrix... i was laughing hardly when i checked that i got kolej matrikulasi in Selangor..... hakhak well this year most of my batch did not get into KMPrk and that was the most funnies news i had ever heard cause perak is the port for ex-semestians. i guess the college was already packed with semestians
that's why they transferred us into others college....
and that is the story bout my matrix....


well overall i can only pray for the best of me... i really want to make my parents proud of me. proud of something that i got. i am the role model for my siblings so i have to take the best outta me whatever it takes....

till then.....

Is It HiM????

so hye again... i know that it had been too long since i last update my blog... already in march and already got my results. unfortunately i did;n got straight a's but only 8a's and 1b in physics... it really sadden me but as my parents said that is my effort so accept it. at first i was afraid that my dad will be angry but not... well the thing is i don't want to mention bout my results nut the memories that haunting me which it had keep me in a dilemma and confuse. i don;t know why is is happening to me... and the story goes like this.....

once there was a guy that i hate the most since i was in form 2 until forever and ever now. at first we were very close. i mean close like a good friend and i also knew her girlfriend which coincidentally was my friend from the other sbp school. in form 2 they suddenly clashed and guess what he said that i was the reason why they had clashed. i was so pissed off that i came to shouting towards him that make us going into a big fight. by that second i called the bitch his girlfriend and she only said

                          "sorry nad... i was only using you as an excuse to clashed with him. it wasn't your fault at all and i am sorry for using you"
                                                                                                                                                           which make me totally pissed off with both of them. so since that day he and i were an enemy. he always provoked me with whatever things i do and me myself i just don't know why every time he did that on the spot i will cry... i can't control my tears that it just fell off and it is weird because if it was someone else i was really don't care bout it and still can laugh bout that bit with him i became weak and suddenly i have a glasses heart that can easily break. i always thought bout it and until now i had never found the answers. so to make it short we were an enemy for these past 4 years and never talked to each other. i was allergic to him and vice versa. whenever we met at the corridor, both of us will turn to a different direction. haha i may seems funny but is the truth. we can't stand to see each other faces. my friends once said

                        " you guys dah macam magnet tau. dua-dua kutub yang sama coz perangai dua-dua sama ; keras kepala. bila berjumpa mesti berpaling"

i can only laugh bout that statement but come to think bout it it was a theory that can be accepted.hakhak.....so the war continue until i was in form 5 which was last year. a day before the SPM examination our batch was holding a small event to ask forgiveness from our friends. my friends and i had bet that the guy will never see me to say sorry so to make sure that i will be the winner i kept running from his sight to avoid him. at first it was succesfull but not until i was tired and sat at the corner of surau with my friends when i heard a familiar voice saying

                      " pergila.... kalau tak bila lagi ko nak mintak maap kat dia.... sampai bila korunk nak gaduh" and the relply is

                      " aku segan la"

i know that voice instantly so i was bout to get up and swoosh from that place when a voice

                      " nad, aku x habes lagi ngan ko nie"

and i was like damn it he got me and i lose in the bet. for the first time since 4 years we finally talked but wait can it be called a conversation or whatever.... so that was the first time i heard he talking to me, i mean like talking and not shouting. he said sorry to me; sorry for what he had done to me, sorry for he had made me cry, sorry for he had always provoked me since form 2. at first i wasn't looking into his face until i heard a small sobbing that i lifted my head and i found that he was talking while crying. by that time i felt my heart beating unstable and i thought i was panicked because i see him crying and for a second i thought he was going to shout at me for making he crying but not. he was talking to me while crying and he was looking to me right into my eyes that i felt his feeling of wanting to go to United Kingdom really much. i thought i was bout to crying but luckily i was managed to steady myself. that night i thought i slept with a smile. after the spm it was along holiday and i don.t know why i opened up his blog and read his story. it's like when i read his blog he was there and telling me he the story himself. i was starting to visit his blog almost everyday and eager to read his new post.

yesterday, i went to school to take my results and i met him. i felt something different bout him that make me smile evilly. i think he had gain some weight which look very suit with him since before he was so thin that i called him "kepeng". he got straight a's that i felt like to congratulate him but i can't. i think my ego towards him was still high as mount everest. i showed my mom that he is the guy who had become my enemy for so long until now; i think so.... and right now when i am writing this entry i felt confuse bout my feelings. had i fallen in love with him....

there was two novels;tunas and aA + bB written by Hlovate. my friends sais that my life was almost the same as the life of the character in the novels but in the end didi and benz married. i was hoping  that my life will not be like that or did i hope that it will be different???? this is when i think that i was having someone inside my hear yet i think i fell in love with another person . what am i supposed to do????

#love is truly a subjective thing that nothing is wrong and nothing is right.......