Is It HiM????

so hye again... i know that it had been too long since i last update my blog... already in march and already got my results. unfortunately i did;n got straight a's but only 8a's and 1b in physics... it really sadden me but as my parents said that is my effort so accept it. at first i was afraid that my dad will be angry but not... well the thing is i don't want to mention bout my results nut the memories that haunting me which it had keep me in a dilemma and confuse. i don;t know why is is happening to me... and the story goes like this.....

once there was a guy that i hate the most since i was in form 2 until forever and ever now. at first we were very close. i mean close like a good friend and i also knew her girlfriend which coincidentally was my friend from the other sbp school. in form 2 they suddenly clashed and guess what he said that i was the reason why they had clashed. i was so pissed off that i came to shouting towards him that make us going into a big fight. by that second i called the bitch his girlfriend and she only said

                          "sorry nad... i was only using you as an excuse to clashed with him. it wasn't your fault at all and i am sorry for using you"
                                                                                                                                                           which make me totally pissed off with both of them. so since that day he and i were an enemy. he always provoked me with whatever things i do and me myself i just don't know why every time he did that on the spot i will cry... i can't control my tears that it just fell off and it is weird because if it was someone else i was really don't care bout it and still can laugh bout that bit with him i became weak and suddenly i have a glasses heart that can easily break. i always thought bout it and until now i had never found the answers. so to make it short we were an enemy for these past 4 years and never talked to each other. i was allergic to him and vice versa. whenever we met at the corridor, both of us will turn to a different direction. haha i may seems funny but is the truth. we can't stand to see each other faces. my friends once said

                        " you guys dah macam magnet tau. dua-dua kutub yang sama coz perangai dua-dua sama ; keras kepala. bila berjumpa mesti berpaling"

i can only laugh bout that statement but come to think bout it it was a theory that can be accepted.hakhak.....so the war continue until i was in form 5 which was last year. a day before the SPM examination our batch was holding a small event to ask forgiveness from our friends. my friends and i had bet that the guy will never see me to say sorry so to make sure that i will be the winner i kept running from his sight to avoid him. at first it was succesfull but not until i was tired and sat at the corner of surau with my friends when i heard a familiar voice saying

                      " pergila.... kalau tak bila lagi ko nak mintak maap kat dia.... sampai bila korunk nak gaduh" and the relply is

                      " aku segan la"

i know that voice instantly so i was bout to get up and swoosh from that place when a voice

                      " nad, aku x habes lagi ngan ko nie"

and i was like damn it he got me and i lose in the bet. for the first time since 4 years we finally talked but wait can it be called a conversation or whatever.... so that was the first time i heard he talking to me, i mean like talking and not shouting. he said sorry to me; sorry for what he had done to me, sorry for he had made me cry, sorry for he had always provoked me since form 2. at first i wasn't looking into his face until i heard a small sobbing that i lifted my head and i found that he was talking while crying. by that time i felt my heart beating unstable and i thought i was panicked because i see him crying and for a second i thought he was going to shout at me for making he crying but not. he was talking to me while crying and he was looking to me right into my eyes that i felt his feeling of wanting to go to United Kingdom really much. i thought i was bout to crying but luckily i was managed to steady myself. that night i thought i slept with a smile. after the spm it was along holiday and i don.t know why i opened up his blog and read his story. it's like when i read his blog he was there and telling me he the story himself. i was starting to visit his blog almost everyday and eager to read his new post.

yesterday, i went to school to take my results and i met him. i felt something different bout him that make me smile evilly. i think he had gain some weight which look very suit with him since before he was so thin that i called him "kepeng". he got straight a's that i felt like to congratulate him but i can't. i think my ego towards him was still high as mount everest. i showed my mom that he is the guy who had become my enemy for so long until now; i think so.... and right now when i am writing this entry i felt confuse bout my feelings. had i fallen in love with him....

there was two novels;tunas and aA + bB written by Hlovate. my friends sais that my life was almost the same as the life of the character in the novels but in the end didi and benz married. i was hoping  that my life will not be like that or did i hope that it will be different???? this is when i think that i was having someone inside my hear yet i think i fell in love with another person . what am i supposed to do????

#love is truly a subjective thing that nothing is wrong and nothing is right.......